'Aught-nine'

Aught-nine – what a year.

I remember my grandparents and other older folks talking about the “aughts.”

“As I recall, Uncle George went to prison in aught-seven,” someone would say.

Of course, that was only for family consumption, the family’s black sheep were not discussed in public. Friends already knew it, but they were polite enough not to mention it and strangers had their own problems to worry about.

“Bill, remember that big ole catfish that dang near done in ole Charlie? Was that in aught-eight or aught-nine?”

“Leroy, you knowed that was aught-seven. Remember? That was the year you dang near shot me when we was out coon huntin’ that time. Them dawgs was after that one big ole he-coon and you rightly swore it was yourn. Dang near took my ear off, you did.”

“Oh yeah, I remember now. What’d they pay you for that skin, anyway?”

“Dang near nothin’. By the time I got to it, them dogs had it darn near tore in half. And it was your dog did it.”

Well, aught-nine will be a year to remember some 40 or 50 years from now as old timers talk about what an unsettling and historic year it was.

“Hey, Betty, I see on my porta-puter your uncle is still registered as a sex offender. How long’s it been now?”

“Henry, that had to, uh, been back in aught-nine or so, long time ago.”

“Was that the year we lost the house and traded that ole clunker for a new one?”

“Yes, dear. That was the same year they shipped everyone off to Afghanistan, remember?”

“Oh, yeah.”

“Here ya go. Take your nutrition pill. This one is lettuce and tomato salad.”

“Dang. I was hopin’ for the steak one.”

“Now, remember you had that last week and red meat pills can only be served once a quarter. Government regulations, ya know, we gotta stay healthy. We can only see the doctor once every six months.”

“Wasn’t that aught-nine, too?”

“Yes dear, that was the year the government changed the rules. Heck, you should remember, you voted for it.”